I'm thankful for...

Juvenal?

You mean Juvenal the Roman satirist who was published in AD 112?

YES!

I know it is odd, isn't it? Here's the deal - so far this semester, I've had to read quite a few books. More than I can count on my fingers. Unfortunately because of all the required reading, I've not been able to participate in our ward's Book Club, since I don't have the time for pleasure reading - and I don't consider any of my required reading pleasurable. That is, until I read Juvenal.



Reading The Satires was so entertaining that many times I laughed out loud. He makes fun of every part of Roman society and culture. In Satire 6: Roman Wives (by far my favorite) in addition to complaining about the lack of morals among Roman men and especially women, he's trying to talk his friend out of getting married:

"Don't you think it better to sleep with a little boy-friend? A boy-friend doesn't argue all night or ask you for presents as he lies beside you, or complain that you are not giving a hundred percent...She rails at his slave-boys or invents a mistress to weep about. Floods of tears are always at hand; they stand at the ready, within the reservoir, waiting to hear the word of command; then they flow as she tells them. You, poor worm, are delighted, complacently thinking it's love. You set about drying her tears with your lips, little aware of what you'd find in her letters if you ever unlocked the desk of that whore who pretends to be jealous." Man, he's harsh.

Apparently even women then had the tendency to gossip:

"That kind of woman knows what's happening throughout the world- what Thrace and China are up to, what secrets a stepmother shares with the son, and who's in love, and for whom the ladies are scrambling. She will tell you who made the widow pregnant, and in which month; with what endearments each woman makes love, and in what positions...she snaps up the latest rumours and tales at the city gate, and fabricates others...that's what she tells to whoever she meets at every corner."

Here's a few more of my favorite lines:

"If you want the truth, it isn't a wife he loves, but a face. Just let a couple of wrinkles appear, let her skin become dry and start to sag, let her teeth turn black and her eyes go puffy - 'Pack your bags' a freedman will cry, 'and be on your way. You get on our nerves, forever blowing your nose; hurry up and be off; your successor is someone without a perpetual sniffle.'"

"If you don't intend to love the woman who was your betrothed and is now your lawfully wedded wife, why marry at all? Why waste money on a meal?"

"As long as her mother's alive, harmony is not to be hoped for."

Satire 9: The Woes of a Gigolo and Satire 10: The Futility of Aspirations are my other favorites. It is very easy to adapt the ways he scorns immorality to our current day. There are a lot of truths to what he says.



So yes, this Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for the unexpected entertainment I enjoyed while doing my homework.